A Student Of Love

The more you fight

For what you believe to be right

The more people will fight against you

I'm learning

To let go more

And trust

People think if you change your energy

If you do better

People will do better by you

But I don't think that's how it works

The more I try to do better

The more I'm met with past dynamics

People trying to relate to me based on how I was

How I've been

Rather than who I am now

And that has a way of pulling you back

To places you don't want to be in anymore

Change is hard and it takes time

And patience

And determination

And perseverance

So when I find myself spiraling

To places I don't want to be in

I've learned to let go

I don't have to prove myself to anyone

For the truth

Reveals itself

Always

When we stop holding so tightly to it

It's been a rocky road

Trying to find my voice

In a world

That doesn't value it

But I've learned

That I'm smart

And I'm capable

And I'm wise

And I no longer need to fight to be heard

When we make peace with ourselves

Our truths don't need to be forced

They can become quiet and sure

You may not agree with me

But that won't change what I know to be true

And what I know is right

There is a quiet strength in knowing yourself

Knowing your worth

We live in a society that expects and demands

That we betray ourselves

So it feels like a risk

To say "no"

But we're doing it

More and more of us all the time

Some of us were bred to be compassionate and understanding

But when we turn that love on ourselves

We become something different

I can love you

And love myself

At the same time

Love is not self-betrayal

Love is not revenge

Love is not competition

Love is love is love is love

It holds all people

All truths

All conflict

Within its vastness 

Love is far too big for us to understand

So that's why I'm learning

To surrender

And let it show me

A better way

Injustice

It is wild to me

How distorted

People's perceptions can become

Of what is real

Of the own roles they play

In their own realities

It is wild to me

That no matter how you may give others the benefit of the doubt

In turn

They are weaving stories about you

Congratulating themselves 

For questioning those stories

But ultimately

Believing them

I have learned

That "being the bigger person"

Has nothing to do with letting things slide

But rather

Sticking up for yourself

When others would readily walk over you

I find myself

Fighting for equality

When others are fighting to take more than their fair share

We are not the same

The storms we find ourselves in are our own

We can't avoid them

We can only reflect on how we want to participate

I can only reflect on who I want to be

Despite the cold world we live in

The cold people who will bite at your character

Without knowing you

This world prepared me

Taught me

That while I can be soft and amenable 

I also have to be willing

To fight for myself

For rights

That no one should have to fight for

That's the sad reality we've been born into

But I think I'm learning 

To own it

To own whatever fight is mine

To own my own sovereignty 

My own way of being

So that when others come for me

I know how to stand tall

In my own knowing

In my own assurance

That I have just as much a right to be here

As anyone

Change

It's nice

To feel wanted

My whole life

I felt like a burden

And as I grow and change

All the unwanted feelings fall away

And I find myself

Surrounded

Supported

In ways I've never felt before

It was in me

In my healing

People hate believing that they attract what's in their lives

But it's the only thing that makes sense to me

While there are so many things we don't deserve

We're the ones who allow them

When I heal

I only allow what's good for me

Because I understand

I'm worthy

I was born worthy and I'll die worthy

And inbetween it's up to me

To decide what is worthy of me

What I'm worth

My own value

Feeling valueless brought me a world of pain

Pain I don't want anymore

To shed parts of yourself

Feels like losing yourself

Because you are

But what I think is beautiful

Is the simple fact

That every single day

We have the opportunity to recreate ourselves

If we allow others to dictate who we are

We'll never change

But if we let ourselves

Change will bring us everything we're looking for