External Energies

Other people's energies

Flow into my reality

People I once knew

But don't anymore

People I left behind

Unapologetically

People who's narratives and views of me

May not be so pleasing

They flow into my field of energy

And I honor them

Each and every one

Every narrative they could be thinking of me

I honor

And send back to them

They do not know me

Not anymore

We are not the people we were in struggle

People may condemn you for how you've been

But if they do

I know

They don't love me

They don't see me

I've been causing waves since the day I was born

I wanted 

So desperately

To be quiet

And unassuming

But I wasn't

So now

I feel safe and secure

In my own company

In my own little world I've created for myself

Built on past mistakes

And ghosts of who I've been

Surrounded

Lifted up

By the purest forms of love I've ever known

For once in my life I know

For sure

I am loved

And thought of

And considered

And sought after

I changed my whole world

Just

So I could feel safe

First

And then discover what else there is

The safer I feel

The stronger I feel

The more capable I feel

The more I discover

Who I really am

Underneath the chaos and struggle and fear and fighting

I'm not any of those things

Not when I decide

I don't want to be

I thought I needed

Things outside of myself

But I didn't

All I needed

All I was ever looking for

Was love and support

A safe place to land

And when I finally did

When I finally

Created what I wanted for myself

I began to heal

At rates and levels I never did before

I was finally free

To love myself

To cater to myself

The way I needed it

The way no one else could ever understand

In ways I could never find a way to express

Or even understand, myself

People expect so much

Assume so much

Blame so much

And I've learned

To let them

Let them go and let them be and wish them well

For I know

We all have demons

Every single one of us

And no matter how they see me

They are not mine to contend with 

My power

Lies in contending with my own self

So I let them flow into my reality

And let them go right back again

We are all human

And healing has taught me

To allow

The judgements

The narratives

The assumptions

Healing has taught me

To allow

Being misjudged and misunderstood 

I can't spend my life

Explaining myself

I came here to live

And anyone who would condemn me

Or judge me

Or make assumptions about me

Does not need a seat at my table

Come to me correct

Or do not come at all