Karma

People are afraid of the law of attraction

Because they don't know their own selves

When you understand

You are profoundly sacred

And also

Profoundly human

There is nothing to fear

For you become the keeper of your own self

The mother bear that will protect you

By any means necessary

That is where we have fallen short

Forgetting to love ourselves enough

Not because we are better than anyone else

But because we are all just as worthy as each other

We were born into a world that told us otherwise

But that doesn't mean it's true

Understanding the law of attraction

Is not about self-deprecation

It's about the opposite

Everything that flows into our reality

That tells us we are unworthy

Is exactly what we need to overcome

To strengthen our sense of self

That no

In fact we *are* worthy

The messages are so deeply ingrained

That when we feel good about ourselves

We forget that they're there

We don't realize

All the things we do everyday

Just to prove our worth

To show

That we've earned our place on earth

Those with more than others

Either lord it above them

Or feel guilted to help them

But see

No one has earned their place on earth

That idea is mythology

We were born worthy

Some have stolen more than others

And it's usually those who lord it above them

To win in our society

Is to steal 

And then blame those we have stolen from

That's how our society works

And in the midst of this chaos they have convinced us

To worship them

Tell me again how this is the land of the free and the home of the brave

For who?

The white men that stole it?

They perpetuated the same inequality they ran from 

That's what happens when you don't heal

You justify your behavior as a necessity

You say,

"Today it's for me, but tomorrow it will be for you

Until then

Your suffering is holy"

I shall not be a martyr for the white supremacist patriarchy

You see

The law of attraction taught me I am worthy

The law of karma taught me they will fall

The law of balance teaches me to hold steady

For I don't have to become them in order to topple them

The universe

She does that all on her own

From Within

We walk away from things that harm us

Wondering

How we got ourselves there in the first place

Fleeing pain in the hopes of salvation

Only to find ourselves

Again and again and again and again

I leave

When I do not feel free

To be myself

To find myself

Safely

The world is full of judgment

Endless

And it won't quit

The trick

Is not to find contentment in isolation

But in what it means

To be one's self

In spite of judgment

People will talk and assume nasty things about you

But it's not who you are

To hide away in avoidance

Is to let them win

I've learned

Sometimes

We need our cocoon

In order to heal and grow within the safety of our own energy

But then

We have a right to step out into the world

As we are

It takes strength

It takes strength to stand up amidst doubt and criticism

To stand alone

In your individuality

But how can we create a safe space for others

When we are too afraid to be ourselves

There is healing

And then there is becoming new

We can't always expect to be understood

But we can understand ourselves

I've learned

To walk away from discomfort

Is only to find it again somewhere else

What we flee from

Is within us

And we cannot run from ourselves

Fire Breathing

Did you think they’d go down easy? 

Men threatened by a woman’s autonomy? 

I don’t ask or beg for acceptance or validation

I’m not here to keep the peace, to be anyone’s doormat

To smile kindly and politely while society fucks me

Do I sound angry? 

Fucking right I’m angry

But not because of one abortion law

Because of lifetimes of destruction and hurt and pain

Have we heard any apologies? Any take backs? 

This law is just another drop in the bucket

Did we expect anything different? 

You’re right, it’s not about life at all

It’s about manipulation and control under the guise of nothing

It’s called gaslighting

Do they know exactly what they’re doing? 

Are they trying to make us angry? 

Are we still out here thinking things are changing? 

I take what’s mine, because I’m human

I deserve to be here along with all the privileges men enjoy

But I ask you, do you think they’re happy? 

I don’t strive to win in a man’s world

It’s toxic and fucked and backwards

Excuse me while I fuck off and do it myself

A woman’s famous words

The fire I breathe is my protection

I didn’t come here to feed the patriarchy, I came here to burn it

And rise from the embers

I hope you are afraid of me

Afraid of my spirit

Afraid of my joy

Afraid of my voice when it speaks, even if it shakes

What is more powerful than control? 

A woman when she’s no longer afraid

A Bigger Love

I am taking my time

When I cannot find the will to move

I surrender

I allow myself to be where I am

And I love myself

When I cannot find the will

To do the things I desire to do

I give myself what I need first

Love 

Distraction

Understanding

And then

If I need to

I purge

I allow the words to flow out of my brain

Out of my body

And onto the page

Where I release them

And as I release them

I feel better

The weight begins to lighten

And I can feel my body's ability to move

I take it slow and easy

No judgement

Just loving myself where I am 

Knowing

I will get to whatever needs getting at

I will get there

I've learned

You can't be a functional adult

If you never learned

To be a functional child

A functional teenager

A functional young adult

There are some building blocks that need to be in place first

Before you can get to the other stuff

I've learned

That I'm never stuck

I've just needed to move slower than most

Slower

Than I've ever been allowed to

I was born into a world that immediately dictated

That I become functional

Somehow

Without guidance

Without love

Without nurturing

Just barking demands and letdowns 

I never learned

I just escaped

As often and as much as possible

My connection to the universe strengthened

Because against all logic and reason

She provided for me

She came through

When no human ever could

What one might perceive as giving up

I experience as being found

My spirituality was born out of the very tangible experience

Of being held

Of being provided for

By an entity beyond anything I could have ever imagined

I grew up

With a concept of "god"

That never really meant anything to me

That felt harsh and cold and unloving at its core

I found love

In a connection that I can't explain with words

And I don't desire to

I've learned to just indulge

In this profound experience of love

Bigger than anything I've ever known

It's in me

It's a part of me

It surrounds me

It heals every wound and is the source of every inspiration

I found magic

In an extremely unimpressive existence

It teaches me

That explaining with words is futile

It is in the experience

That we truly understand and discover more

Trusting Myself

There is something

So cathartic

So

Gratifying

In finding your own voice

In learning

How you want to share it

In creating your own space

There is something

So rewarding

In finding safe ways

To be yourself

In all the ways that people try to highlight mental illness

We still miss the fact

That it simply isn't safe to take care of yourself

No one is truly safe to be themselves

Without the threat of judgment and unfounded insults being hurled at them

Our society is not a safe place

And yet

We find our safe spaces

We find the ways that we can express ourselves

Despite the world we live in

Learning to love myself

Has truly changed how I see everything

I understand now

I won't be accepted

I won't be loved right

But when I love myself

I find this profound ability

To keep myself safe

To know my own worth

To begin to learn how to be myself

Because I no longer need to prove myself

I simply exist

And let that be enough

To take me where I want to go

Even if I don't know where that is

I trust that it's in me

And I'll find it

I trust myself now

And it is profound

How life changing that is

Holding Onto Goodness

I turn to the outside world

And find little that inspires

Little

That talks about what I want to talk about

Little

That is hopeful

It doesn't matter which side of anything you are on

It is all rooted in fear

And while there is a lot to be afraid of

A lot to be sad about

A lot of pain and anger and hatred

I just can't reside there

And I'm sorry

I'm truly sorry to anyone who takes that personally

Who thinks that I should

Take on the world's pain

Who feels the unbearable weight of all of it

It's just that

I truly believe

That if every single one of us

Found something positive to focus on

Found something good to expand

That 

Would be the thing to change everything

I know we are being told what to fixate on

It's just that

This society has never served us

This society was built on lies

From the get-go

And it's only been harmful

Existing in pain is simply unsustainable

The horror is endless and awful

It's endless and awful

I'm not saying we should ignore it

But I'm asking

Where are our efforts most bountiful?

Where is the change most profound and accessible?

It is easy to feel burdened and despair

That is the easiest thing to feel, in my opinion

I think

When it all gets too much

And there is nothing to do but give up

I think that's when we learn

That sometimes

Starting small is something

Loving yourself is something

Loving your family is something

Loving your community is something

Nurturing goodness around you

Is something

When you can't fix the whole world

Starting where you are

Is something

And from there

Who knows what else could come

Some of us are in more powerful positions than others

I don't believe that change is up to me alone

And I don't believe that I'm the only one who cares

I know

That people have been fighting for goodness for centuries

The fact that it's an uphill battle

Is profoundly disconcerting

But we're still here

And we're learning

And we're growing

And I believe

That although darkness seems like the easiest thing

I think there is more light than we know

I've lived in darkness my whole life

Which is why

I simply can't reside there anymore

I do believe in goodness

I've found it many times

And I'm learning

That the more light I hold onto

The brighter it shines

I take the time

To root darkness out of my system

Because in my experience

It's in the letting go

Where change is allowed to take form

When I let go of what was and what I thought

Could or should be

I open myself up to change in a new way

A way that isn't forced

But is nurtured and grown

It's going to take all types

And all ways

But in my experience

Change is inevitable

Opening Up To More

I'll write here

Because I desire for connection

I'll write here

In the safety of this tiny space I've created for myself

Where if people are curious

They can find me

If you want to know what I think

It's here

In nuance and grey area

If you want to know me

You are free to know me

But I won't be anything you think I am

I don't desire to please anyone anymore

I desire

More than anything

To be myself

In all of this time and space

I've learned to love myself

Gaslighting, manipulation, shame, guilt

They can't influence me anymore

My life

Is up to no one else

My life is mine

So if you wish to know me

You'll have to find me

Outside of everything you think I should be

Because if I've learned anything

It's that nobody knows what's best for anyone else

Everyone only acts out of their own experiences

And while personal experience is educational

It does not encompass all that is

If you wish to help another

Help them tune into their own guidance system

Help them love themselves

In all of our similarities and differences

It takes all types

We are all worthy and have something to offer

If you love someone

Love them in their wholeness

And let them show you who they are

Without the filter you place upon them

Open your mind to nuance and variance

Open your mind to more

And you will be blown away

By how much there is to discover

My journey now

Is in this

The discovery

Needing to know less

And exist more